Thursday, December 8, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Does a Bride Forget Her Wedding Dress?
“What a generation you turned out to be!
Didn't I tell you? Didn't I warn you?
Have I let you down, Israel?
Am I nothing but a dead-end street?
Why do my people say, 'Good riddance!
From now on we're on our own'?
Young women don't forget their jewelry, do they?
Brides don't show up without their veils, do they?
But my people forget me.
Day after day after day they never give me a thought.”
--Jeremiah 2:31-32
I’ve recently been convicted by this passage. And with my own wedding only a few weeks away, I understand all too well the illustration Jeremiah uses in these verses.
Does a young woman forget and neglect to wear her jewelry? Does a bride hide her wedding dress? Is it possible for a virgin to put out of her memory her ornaments, or a bride her dress? But my people have put me out of their memories for unnumbered days. It is not possible for a bride to misplace, stop thinking about, put out of her mind, or lose her wedding dress. Every day I see my dress hanging in my room awaiting that blessed day. Most brides, including me, spend countless hours trying on dresses in search of “The One”: strapless, with straps, beaded, no beads, satin, organza, A-line/Princess, Empire, Column, Ball-gown, no-gown, Mermaid, dropped-waist, chapel train, no train. We find the choices and designs enough to make us insane. I was seriously contemplating eeny meeny miny moe until lo and behold I saw it – “The One” I had been looking for. No bride can exactly say how she knew she found her dress. She just does.
It is the day of the wedding. Everything could be going wrong, the bride might have overlooked a million and one details she never planned, but there is one thing she won’t forget – her wedding dress. Why? Because she treasures it; she’s carefully chosen it; it is hers.
How many days of my life this past year have been spent in planning a wedding, and how many days have passed without suitable remembrance of my Savior. The Lord asks His people, “Have I been a desert to you? A wilderness? A land of thick darkness? Have I let you down?” Have I not experienced the blessing of God and yet still forsake Him in my daily thoughts? How then does it happen that we depart from Him? He who promises good for us!
The people had resolved never to return to God. “Good Riddance!” They wished not to have any further relationship with Him even though all they could ask or think and more had flowed to them so as to fully satisfy them. They stood as if in no need of God’s aid for they purposed to supply themselves with whatever was necessary to support them. Enter pride. In my own life this past year leading up to the wedding, how many times did I try to accomplish things in my own strength? How much more effective I could have been had I paused and asked for God’s help and sufficient grace and not tried to “prove” something to myself and to others that I could do it – though all I ended up proving was my inability.
Like Israel, we are guilty of valuing God less than girls value their jewels or a bride her wedding dress. Of course these things are nothing more than trifles, and yet we are so foolishly taken with them. How is it that we forget God? Is there to be found any such valuable jewel or treasured dress which can be compared with our God? Then why do we commonly set our thoughts and affections on such things? Why have I?
I’m so thankful that the Lord, in His mercy, showed me my sin and how I belittled the all-satisfying abundance of God. I’m so thankful He does not give up on me. I’m so thankful that the Lord used these two verses in Jeremiah to show me myself and my off-centered priorities. And as I put on my carefully selected and much-loved wedding dress and veil in a couple weeks to become Nathan Jay’s wife, may I be reminded to remember my Lord day after day after day.
Didn't I tell you? Didn't I warn you?
Have I let you down, Israel?
Am I nothing but a dead-end street?
Why do my people say, 'Good riddance!
From now on we're on our own'?
Young women don't forget their jewelry, do they?
Brides don't show up without their veils, do they?
But my people forget me.
Day after day after day they never give me a thought.”
--Jeremiah 2:31-32
I’ve recently been convicted by this passage. And with my own wedding only a few weeks away, I understand all too well the illustration Jeremiah uses in these verses.
Does a young woman forget and neglect to wear her jewelry? Does a bride hide her wedding dress? Is it possible for a virgin to put out of her memory her ornaments, or a bride her dress? But my people have put me out of their memories for unnumbered days. It is not possible for a bride to misplace, stop thinking about, put out of her mind, or lose her wedding dress. Every day I see my dress hanging in my room awaiting that blessed day. Most brides, including me, spend countless hours trying on dresses in search of “The One”: strapless, with straps, beaded, no beads, satin, organza, A-line/Princess, Empire, Column, Ball-gown, no-gown, Mermaid, dropped-waist, chapel train, no train. We find the choices and designs enough to make us insane. I was seriously contemplating eeny meeny miny moe until lo and behold I saw it – “The One” I had been looking for. No bride can exactly say how she knew she found her dress. She just does.
It is the day of the wedding. Everything could be going wrong, the bride might have overlooked a million and one details she never planned, but there is one thing she won’t forget – her wedding dress. Why? Because she treasures it; she’s carefully chosen it; it is hers.
How many days of my life this past year have been spent in planning a wedding, and how many days have passed without suitable remembrance of my Savior. The Lord asks His people, “Have I been a desert to you? A wilderness? A land of thick darkness? Have I let you down?” Have I not experienced the blessing of God and yet still forsake Him in my daily thoughts? How then does it happen that we depart from Him? He who promises good for us!
The people had resolved never to return to God. “Good Riddance!” They wished not to have any further relationship with Him even though all they could ask or think and more had flowed to them so as to fully satisfy them. They stood as if in no need of God’s aid for they purposed to supply themselves with whatever was necessary to support them. Enter pride. In my own life this past year leading up to the wedding, how many times did I try to accomplish things in my own strength? How much more effective I could have been had I paused and asked for God’s help and sufficient grace and not tried to “prove” something to myself and to others that I could do it – though all I ended up proving was my inability.
Like Israel, we are guilty of valuing God less than girls value their jewels or a bride her wedding dress. Of course these things are nothing more than trifles, and yet we are so foolishly taken with them. How is it that we forget God? Is there to be found any such valuable jewel or treasured dress which can be compared with our God? Then why do we commonly set our thoughts and affections on such things? Why have I?
I’m so thankful that the Lord, in His mercy, showed me my sin and how I belittled the all-satisfying abundance of God. I’m so thankful He does not give up on me. I’m so thankful that the Lord used these two verses in Jeremiah to show me myself and my off-centered priorities. And as I put on my carefully selected and much-loved wedding dress and veil in a couple weeks to become Nathan Jay’s wife, may I be reminded to remember my Lord day after day after day.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Dipped in Blood
--Zechariah 3:3-4
"Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on her!
I will dress her in fine linen
Bright and Clean
As a bride adorned with her jewels.
Of more worth and splendor than the lily of the field
Is her Garment of Salvation!
Her Robe of Righteousness!
She will wear forgiveness & lovingkindness like a crown."
All the while my bridegroom dressed me,
I noticed His own robe…
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Overheard in Class 4
-- “What’s an (tries to sound it out) an-tee-grrr?" I look on her math paper, “Oh, you mean integer!”
-- “Mrs. McKanna, may I go out into the hallway?” Thinking he wants to pray before his test or maybe he’s upset about something I ask, “Do you need to talk to me?” With raised eyebrows he confesses, “It will be stinky!" Nevermind.
-- “Your necklace matches your earrings, Mrs. McKanna.” “Yes, I know. I planned it that way.” "Oh, you did?” (Scrunches his nose) “Yes, buddy. Most women do.” Invaluable life lessons learned in Class 4.
-- We’ve been studying Christopher Columbus in history and how he let the love of gold become his god. One insightful little girl (who is drama central) raises her hand and remarks: “If everyone looks in our Bibles next time there’s a really colorful insert (puts her hand over her heart) that will give you the answer to all of your heart’s questions. If you’re feeling greedy or prideful it lists a verse to look up.” Too bad Christopher Columbus didn’t have that really colorful insert.
-- After talking of how Columbus became rich and was made "Admiral of the Ocean Sea" and how he mistreated the natives one little boy said, “I’d rather have my rewards in heaven than on earth because it’s for forever." Another student added, “It reminds me of the story of the rich man and the beggar." Wow. Their parents are doing something right!
-- I had to talk to two boys out in the hall today. One was aggravating the other with his words. The one to whom it happened said, “It doesn’t matter to me, Mrs. McKanna. I’m not hurt. I just told you for the future if it happens to someone else.”
Today was filled with teachable moments. Are these students really just 9 years-old?! They are such little loves, and I can't believe I get to have them in MY class!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
In the morning you will be filled
We're back from Ethiopia as of Tuesday night! I woke up wide awake at 2am the next day, went to teacher orientation, unpacked, went grocery shopping, cooked, and found my pillow at midnight after vomiting from taking my malaria medicine. It was the longest day in history it seemed. BUT I am very excited to see Nate's parents and sister and baby Katie today! Praise the Lord for a sufficient amount of grace and strength that’s set aside each day for us! I'm thankful to experience it in this way.
I was reading Exodus 16 of how the Lord was going to remind the Israelites of His deliverance from Egypt by providing quail and manna.
“In the morning you will see the glory of the Lord” (v.7)
“In the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God” (v.12).
The manna demonstrated DAILY reliance on God because the Israelites could only gather enough for each day. God is all-sufficient in perfect proportion to our need. In the morning, you will be filled with bread. Praise Him for being the Bread of Life! May our weaknesses and inadequacies show us the glory of the Lord and teach us to know more fully that He alone is the Lord our God.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Quotables
"I always like to say," commented one fourth grade student, "It is better to look in the future than dwell in the past." I'm convinced these students are really adults trapped in a little person's body!
Another student wrote a card to a WWII veteran thanking him for coming to speak to our class. On the inside he observed: "It must be so much fun to live as long as you have and still be alive."
never. a. dull. moment.
Another student wrote a card to a WWII veteran thanking him for coming to speak to our class. On the inside he observed: "It must be so much fun to live as long as you have and still be alive."
never. a. dull. moment.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Saturday
"It is finished!" Receipts for taxes found in the papyri have written across them this single Greek word, which mean "pain in full." The price for our redemption from sin was paid in full by our Lord's death.
Sunday is coming!
Good Friday
My students asked me, "Mrs. McKanna, why is it called Good Friday when this is the day Jesus died and it's supposed to be sad?" I love that their minds were thinking in this way. "Because, boys and girls, the message of Easter is of Christ's victory over sin, death, and the devil. When Jesus died, He took all the sins of all of us upon Himself and died in our place. This gift is for everyone. Isn't that the good news?!"
"At the age of 33, Jesus was condemned to the death penalty. At the time crucifixion was the "worst" death. Only the worst criminals were condemned to be crucified. Yet it was even more dreadful for Jesus. Unlike other criminals condemned to death by crucifixion, Jesus was nailed to the cross by His hands and feet, rather than tied. Each nail was 6 to 8 inches long. The nails were driven into His wrist, not into His palms as is commonly portrayed. There's a tendon in the wrist that extends to the shoulder. The Roman guards knew that when the nails were being hammered into the wrist, that tendon would tear and break, forcing Jesus to use His back muscles to support himself, so that He could breathe.
Both of His feet were nailed together. Thus He was forced to support Himself on the single nail that impaled His feet to the cross. Jesus could not support himself with His legs for long because of the pain, so He was forced to alternate between arching His back and using his legs just to continue to breath. Imagine the struggle, the pain, the suffering, the courage. Jesus endured this reality for over 3 hours. Yes, over 3 hours! Can you imagine this kind of suffering?
From common images we see wounds to His hands and feet and even the spear wound to His side, but do we remember the many wounds made to His body? Before the nails and the spear, Jesus was whipped and beaten. The whipping was so severe that it tore the flesh from His body. The beating so horrific that His face was torn and His beard ripped from His face. The crown of thorns (two to three inches long) cut deeply into His scalp. Most men would not have survived this torture. All this without mentioning the humiliation He endured after carrying His own cross for almost 2 kilometers, while the crowd spat in his face and threw stones and insults. All this Jesus endured...so that you and I may have free access to God."
In the midst of His agony Jesus cries out, "Father, forgive them..." Nate and I watched The Passion of the Christ last night, and I kept thinking how much I wanted the guards and priests to die. But that thought is completely contrary to how Jesus was thinking toward them. He was dying for them. He prayed for them and asked that God would forgive them even though they didn't deserve it, even though they didn't want it, even though they weren't repentant.
I have long withstood His grace,
Long provoked Him to His face,
Would not hearken to His calls,
Grieved Him by a thousand falls.
I have spilt His precious blood,
Trampled on the Son of God,
Filled with pangs unspeakable,
I, who yet am not in hell!
Whence to me this waste of love?
Ask my Advocate above!
See the cause in Jesus’ face,
Now before the throne of grace.
There for me the Savior stands,
Shows His wounds and spreads His hands.
God is love! I know, I feel;
Jesus weeps and loves me still.
-Charles Wesley
The (Scientific) Death of Jesus
Both of His feet were nailed together. Thus He was forced to support Himself on the single nail that impaled His feet to the cross. Jesus could not support himself with His legs for long because of the pain, so He was forced to alternate between arching His back and using his legs just to continue to breath. Imagine the struggle, the pain, the suffering, the courage. Jesus endured this reality for over 3 hours. Yes, over 3 hours! Can you imagine this kind of suffering?
From common images we see wounds to His hands and feet and even the spear wound to His side, but do we remember the many wounds made to His body? Before the nails and the spear, Jesus was whipped and beaten. The whipping was so severe that it tore the flesh from His body. The beating so horrific that His face was torn and His beard ripped from His face. The crown of thorns (two to three inches long) cut deeply into His scalp. Most men would not have survived this torture. All this without mentioning the humiliation He endured after carrying His own cross for almost 2 kilometers, while the crowd spat in his face and threw stones and insults. All this Jesus endured...so that you and I may have free access to God."
I have long withstood His grace,
Long provoked Him to His face,
Would not hearken to His calls,
Grieved Him by a thousand falls.
I have spilt His precious blood,
Trampled on the Son of God,
Filled with pangs unspeakable,
I, who yet am not in hell!
Whence to me this waste of love?
Ask my Advocate above!
See the cause in Jesus’ face,
Now before the throne of grace.
There for me the Savior stands,
Shows His wounds and spreads His hands.
God is love! I know, I feel;
Jesus weeps and loves me still.
-Charles Wesley
Thursday
The Lord's Supper: In Moses's Passover in Egypt, death was merely avoided. In the Passover Jesus celebrated this night, death wasn't avoided; it was confronted and soon to be conquered for all mankind. They concluded with hymns and prayers taken from Psalm 115-118; 136. Consider these words Jesus prayed and sang from those portions of Scripture on this night before He was betrayed:
"O LORD, surely I am Your servant, I am Your servant, the son of Your handmaid." (Ps. 116:16)
"The LORD is for me; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" (Ps. 118:6)
"The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone." (Ps. 118:22)
"This is the day which the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."(Ps. 118:24)
"Give thanks to the God of heaven, for His lovingkindness is everlasting." (Ps. 136:26)
The Betrayals: Those who "forsook all and followed him" (Luke 5:11) now "forsook him and fled" (Matt.26:56).
"O LORD, surely I am Your servant, I am Your servant, the son of Your handmaid." (Ps. 116:16)
"The LORD is for me; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" (Ps. 118:6)
"The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone." (Ps. 118:22)
"This is the day which the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."(Ps. 118:24)
"Give thanks to the God of heaven, for His lovingkindness is everlasting." (Ps. 136:26)
The Betrayals: Those who "forsook all and followed him" (Luke 5:11) now "forsook him and fled" (Matt.26:56).
Wednesday
It seems that Jesus lingered in Bethany when he got back "home" Tuesday night. Scripture is silent about what Jesus did in the middle of this agonizing week...and perhaps that is because Jesus silently retreated with those whom He loved and with those who knew Him best. Did the disciples know that he would be handed over tomorrow? Did they know that this would be the last night he would spend at Bethany? Jesus would never sleep again after this Wednesday night. He was in the company of friends. Even so, he must have felt the pain that all would forsake him soon. Could Jesus even sleep? Was He ready to be parted? Was He ready to give up being fully man?
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday
The wisdom that framed the heavens and the earth silences his foes and fiercest opponents. They were left speechless and could not catch Jesus in anything that he said for they were reckoning with a divine mind. I love how Scripture says, "No one could say a word in reply, and from that day on no one dared to ask him any more questions" (Matt. 22:46). Divine mind, indeed!
Jesus, I imagine, was emotionally exhausted. He had by this time already had his authority challenged, taught and rebuked, answered crafty and tricky questions of those seeking to arrest him, stripped the Pharisees of their self-righteousness, and now after experiencing such righteous anger, Jesus laments over Jerusalem's coming desolation with such sorrow. "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!"
Jesus, I imagine, was emotionally exhausted. He had by this time already had his authority challenged, taught and rebuked, answered crafty and tricky questions of those seeking to arrest him, stripped the Pharisees of their self-righteousness, and now after experiencing such righteous anger, Jesus laments over Jerusalem's coming desolation with such sorrow. "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!"
Monday, April 18, 2011
Monday
He was born,
-but He had been begotten.
He was born of a woman,
-but he kept her a Virgin.
He was wrapped in swaddling clothes,
-but He took off the swathing bands of the grave by His rising again.
He was laid in a manger,
-but He was glorified by angels, and proclaimed by a star, and worshipped by the Magi.
He had no form nor beauty in the eyes of his people,
-but to David He is fairer than the children of men.
And on the Mountain He was bright as the lightning,
-and became more luminous than the sun, initiating us into the mystery of the future.
He was baptized as Man,
-but He remitted sins as God.
He was tempted as Man,
-but He conquered as God.
He hungered,
-but He fed thousands.
He thirsted,
-but He cried, "If any man thirst, let him come unto Me and drink."
He was wearied,
-but He is the peace of all that are sorrowful and heavy laden.
He prays,
-but He hears prayer.
He weeps,
-but He causes tears to cease.
He asks where Lazarus was laid,
-for He was Man;
And He raises Lazarus,
-for He was God.
As a sheep He is led to the slaughter,
-but He is the Shepherd of Israel, and now of the whole world also.
He is sold for thirty pieces of silver,
-but He ransoms the world at a great price - His own blood.
He is bruised and wounded,
-but He heals every disease and every infirmity.
He is lifted up and nailed to the Tree,
-but by the Tree of Life He restores us.
He lays down His life,
-but He has power to take it again.
He dies,
-but He gives life and by His death destroys death.
---St. Gregory Nazianzen (Oration 29)---
-but He had been begotten.
He was born of a woman,
-but he kept her a Virgin.
He was wrapped in swaddling clothes,
-but He took off the swathing bands of the grave by His rising again.
He was laid in a manger,
-but He was glorified by angels, and proclaimed by a star, and worshipped by the Magi.
He had no form nor beauty in the eyes of his people,
-but to David He is fairer than the children of men.
And on the Mountain He was bright as the lightning,
-and became more luminous than the sun, initiating us into the mystery of the future.
He was baptized as Man,
-but He remitted sins as God.
He was tempted as Man,
-but He conquered as God.
He hungered,
-but He fed thousands.
He thirsted,
-but He cried, "If any man thirst, let him come unto Me and drink."
He was wearied,
-but He is the peace of all that are sorrowful and heavy laden.
He prays,
-but He hears prayer.
He weeps,
-but He causes tears to cease.
He asks where Lazarus was laid,
-for He was Man;
And He raises Lazarus,
-for He was God.
As a sheep He is led to the slaughter,
-but He is the Shepherd of Israel, and now of the whole world also.
He is sold for thirty pieces of silver,
-but He ransoms the world at a great price - His own blood.
He is bruised and wounded,
-but He heals every disease and every infirmity.
He is lifted up and nailed to the Tree,
-but by the Tree of Life He restores us.
He lays down His life,
-but He has power to take it again.
He dies,
-but He gives life and by His death destroys death.
---St. Gregory Nazianzen (Oration 29)---
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday
"A sense of awe fills me as I think about it. The One who died, rose again, and is alive forevermore is none other than the Son of God who became the Son of Man that through His cross, sons of men might become sons of God!" -Herbert Lockyer
This week was a week of loss for Jesus when "God was forsaken by God" - Martin Luther. We can never fully know the depth of that loss. My contemplation this week of my crucified Lord must lead to a crucified life. Spare me from a "do-it-yourself" crucifixion.
"Oh, wean this self from me that I
No more, but Christ in me may live!
My vile affections crucify,
Nor let one hidden lust survive.
In all things, nothing may I see,
Nothing desire or seek, but Thee!"
As I follow His last days on earth, may I know more than I ever have before that all that Jesus willingly endured was for my sake...and yours.
This week was a week of loss for Jesus when "God was forsaken by God" - Martin Luther. We can never fully know the depth of that loss. My contemplation this week of my crucified Lord must lead to a crucified life. Spare me from a "do-it-yourself" crucifixion.
"Oh, wean this self from me that I
No more, but Christ in me may live!
My vile affections crucify,
Nor let one hidden lust survive.
In all things, nothing may I see,
Nothing desire or seek, but Thee!"
As I follow His last days on earth, may I know more than I ever have before that all that Jesus willingly endured was for my sake...and yours.
Sunday - Day of Acclaim
It wasn't that triumphal of an entry really. Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a beast of burden surrounded by a disorganized mob of humble folk. Jesus, the King of Kings, the heir of all things, the One to whom all knees will bow, had need of a poor despised animal "whereon man never yet had sat." He used the humblest of His creatures. Would you expect any different when His whole life was one of great humility? What authority too in riding an untamed, unbroken colt.
He was not entering with pride, but wept aloud as He beheld the city. Perhaps his eyes were red and his cheeks raw and tear-stained as he rode through the city. "Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes." Jesus had come "to guide their feet into the way of peace" but they were blind even as they shouted "Hosanna!" Jesus deserved their praises, but they did not receive Him.
Ultimately, every knee will acknowledge His lordship." At the name of Jesus every knee will bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father!"
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Building Faith $100 at a Time
I can’t keep it to myself what God’s done for us these last three days! First, on Sunday one of Nate’s high school teachers saw on facebook that there was something wrong with our car. She said she wanted to send us $100 to go toward the cost of getting it fixed. We were shocked, humbled, and very grateful. Provision #1.
Then, on Saturday I went to get a new pair of glasses now that I have insurance. When the optometrist asked for my old pair, he saw my nosepiece missing and the frames taped together and just smiled graciously. I had an estimated cost in my head, but when I looked over the receipt of what insurance did and didn’t cover I was confused. I went back to the office and someone very patiently explained everything to me. I was satisfied, but still a little discouraged with the price. Well, today I went to pick them up. The optometrist recognized me and begins with, “I’m so sorry for your confusion the other day. I understand you had some questions. We want you to be happy so we’re going to reimburse you a $100. I really didn’t know what that meant, but he came back and handed me a hundred dollar bill! I wanted to give that man a hug! Did God really just orchestrate that?! ONE hundred dollar instance was incredible, and now a second time in just three days?!
We truly do serve a mighty God who takes care of every detail of our life. When we ask God to provide, we can’t imagine the ways He chooses to do so or the people through whom He chooses to work. I’m even convinced He has fun doing it too…like putting it into an optometrist’s heart to randomly give you $100. Our thoughts and prayers are so limited when we think and pray about how God will meet a need. It is very difficult when things are tight, but so richly rewarding. He wants me to live a life of faith…and He sure is making it easy right now. May I prove faithful when it isn’t.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thank you, Mrs. Spurgeon, for getting it right!
In one of his sermons Charles Spurgeon described a happy marriage and made this tribute to his wife: "She delights in her husband, in his person, his character, his affection. To her he is not only the chief and foremost of mankind, but in her eyes he is all in all. Her heart's love belongs to him and to him only. He is her little world, her paradise, her choice treasure. She is glad to sink her individuality in him. She seeks no renown for herself. his honor is reflected upon her and she rejoices in it. She will defend his name with her dying breath. Safe enough is he where she can speak for him. His smiling gratitude is all the reward she seeks, even in her dress she thinks of him and considers nothing beautiful which is distasteful to him. He has many objects in life, some of which she does not quite understand. But she believes them all and anything she can do to promote them she delights to perform. Such a wife as a true spouse realizes the model marriage relation and sets forth what our oneness with the Lord ought to be."
I can't read one sentence without thinking 1). I could never live up to her example and 2). I hope my husband doesn't get any ideas. But seriously, I'm sure Mrs. Spurgeon had her flaws and no doubt Mr. Spurgeon was intimately acquainted with them all. Based on his words of her, I can only imagine the sense of responsibility she felt and the seriousness in which she approached her role as a wife. It was even said of her that on the way to the church the morning of their wedding, she was not interested in being admired for how beautiful she looked in her gown, but on wanting everyone to know what a wonderful bridegroom awaited her at the altar. This woman was all about her man!
Happy woman and happy man! However, their view on marriage may seem quaint and strange in a world where most women are encouraged to find and have an identity outside of the home. Even as I typed that passage from Spurgeon's sermon, there is a part of me that wants to rebel and say, "Surely not." But look how beautifully Jesus shined in their marriage as they lavished such love on each other. Yes, people make disparaging remarks when the "S" word is mentioned. I swear some people think I am losing my individuality and am in servitude to my husband. Words spoken in my defense tend to fall on deaf ears. However, actions speak louder than words. Let your happiness in your marriage be the proof and do the talking that you are getting it right in a backwards world.
I can't read one sentence without thinking 1). I could never live up to her example and 2). I hope my husband doesn't get any ideas. But seriously, I'm sure Mrs. Spurgeon had her flaws and no doubt Mr. Spurgeon was intimately acquainted with them all. Based on his words of her, I can only imagine the sense of responsibility she felt and the seriousness in which she approached her role as a wife. It was even said of her that on the way to the church the morning of their wedding, she was not interested in being admired for how beautiful she looked in her gown, but on wanting everyone to know what a wonderful bridegroom awaited her at the altar. This woman was all about her man!
Happy woman and happy man! However, their view on marriage may seem quaint and strange in a world where most women are encouraged to find and have an identity outside of the home. Even as I typed that passage from Spurgeon's sermon, there is a part of me that wants to rebel and say, "Surely not." But look how beautifully Jesus shined in their marriage as they lavished such love on each other. Yes, people make disparaging remarks when the "S" word is mentioned. I swear some people think I am losing my individuality and am in servitude to my husband. Words spoken in my defense tend to fall on deaf ears. However, actions speak louder than words. Let your happiness in your marriage be the proof and do the talking that you are getting it right in a backwards world.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Back to School
Monday's the day I've been looking forward to for months! Back to teaching! It's been a long wait, but it's going to be so worth it. I still get uneasy when I think about how nervous I was for my interview with the Headmaster, the Head of Lower School, and the Chair of History/English present. I couldn't stop praying the whole way there. I'm not quite sure I didn't just repeat the same thing over and over again in my prayer.
A few weeks later they observed me teach a lesson on Act V of Julius Caesar and how to diagram adverbial clauses. When I left that day I was so discouraged because I hadn't received any feedback. Did I do a good job? Did I say something stupid? Was I clear enough? Did I not ask questions? My poor husband when he came home. He had his work cut out for him to cheer Ms. Mopey. I confess I wasn't thinking on things that were true after he pointed me to read Philippians 4.
A few weeks later they observed me teach a lesson on Act V of Julius Caesar and how to diagram adverbial clauses. When I left that day I was so discouraged because I hadn't received any feedback. Did I do a good job? Did I say something stupid? Was I clear enough? Did I not ask questions? My poor husband when he came home. He had his work cut out for him to cheer Ms. Mopey. I confess I wasn't thinking on things that were true after he pointed me to read Philippians 4.
Well, I got a call the next day. We were sitting on the bed and my face looked happy, sad, and unsure all at the same time. Nate couldn't read it, and if you could only have seen him while I was on the phone. His face just begging for an answer. The reason for my happy face: “We were very impressed by what we saw.” The reason for my sad face: “We've decided not to hire a new class five teacher” (that was the position I was expecting). The reason for my unsure face: “But, a fourth grade position will be opening up in a few months.” I just wanted to hear the words that they were going to hire me when she said, “We'd like you to come teach at Providence for class four.” I was ready to pay THEM to allow me to teach there! Nate and I sat down to thank God completely humbled and overwhelmed and knock-your-socks-off excited for how the Lord provided this job for which we had been so earnestly praying. What a lesson on dependency He taught us early in marriage. He is so very good!
Teaching is really very interesting work. It certainly isn't monotonous as something funny is almost sure to happen every day, and children say the most amusing things. On days when I went in to substitute I'd always think, “I can't believe I'll get to do this every day!” I am certainly anxious to have my own classroom again.
My students made some “Welcome to Providence!” cards. Let's just hope I live up to their high expectations. They used a lot of superlatives!
“Your (we'll have to work on that contraction) the best sub/other teacher in the whole wide world!”
“I'm so glad your (again...the contraction) are (oops! Homonyms are on the list too) new teacher! I hoped it would be you!”
“I'm so glad you are my teacher! We played hangman and it said: 'At the end of this month, Mrs. McKanna will become the teacher!' And when the class got it I screemed! (it's phonetic). I was (and am) so excited! I'm so happy! I told my whole family! I love you!”
“Dear Mrs. McKanna, you will be an awsome (still leaning silent e's) teacher and I know it! Yours truly.”
Melt my heart!
Being unemployed these six months has been such a blessing to our marriage. Of course there were days when I felt especially lonely, stir crazy, restless, bored, irritated, frustrated etc. etc, and there were days that I could have done without, and days that could have been spent more profitably than they were, but I can say that I am very thankful for this time at home at the start of our marriage. What a gift it has been! The Lord has certainly given me a love for staying home, and I'm so very thankful for my husband who provides so well for us, and for our God who has met all our needs minus none.
For those of you asking, here's some pictures!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
random thoughts as thought on my couch
- I really need to take down my Christmas tree. It's way past being OK.
- Nate and I have free tickets to the symphony tonight! Brahms' Piano Concerto #2.
- I really wish we could get some snow here in Dallas. I miss it. Terribly.
- I just finished reading the part where Anne and Gil get married. I LOVE children's books! Now that I teach fourth grade I like not having to feel like I need an excuse to read them.
- I'm at the point in my life where 90% of my friends are pregnant. Kinda weird. Wasn't it just last week when we were all being ridiculously immature in the dorms, when curfew was at 10:30 (yes, we had curfew in college), and we'd go sledding down hills on lunch trays and in garbage bags without a care in the world besides Dr. Reiter's Pauline exams? Life, slow down!
"Seek Exclamation Point!"
"Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!" I Chronicles 16:11.
Seek, inquire after, beg, pursue, desire, plead, delve, explore. Seek. It's not seek suggestion, if you want to, here's a helpful hint take it or leave it. Rather, it's seek command exclamation point! Why do we do everything BUT seek His presence where there is drinking of joy everlasting, filling of God Himself in our hearts, and freeing from every unholy thing?!
"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good!" (Psalm 34:8).
Just as we cannot fully taste a main dish with a little nibble, so too we cannot fully taste the Lord's goodness when we're just “snacking” on His Word to tide us over. I remember watching a little girl eat a cookie, and after nibbling her entire way around the edge, she was done. I think we do the same thing with our relationship with God. We nibble around the edges of a familiar acquaintance, sample a bite here and there, and sip of His presence just enough to wash it down.
What is robbing us of our appetite for Him? We are eating like birds and picking at the things of the Lord like we don't like something when we should be feasting like kings! I wish we didn't so easily settle for less than what is to be found in His presence. May the Lord increase our appetites for Him, and may we eagerly, intentionally, and consciously pursue our God continually.
Monday, January 24, 2011
I won't be giving my diamond ring to HIM
1). When talking about Uranus as the "sleepy planet with rings" one of my students raised his hand and said, "It's like a ball lying down with a tutu." Whatever works I guess!
2). Two excitable blonde haired darlings ran up to me during play time asking if I knew what planet we were all on. (Obviously they were still fascinated with the way cool science lesson we just had earlier.) "Last time I checked we were on Earth." "No we're not! A___ and I just discovered a new planet! Well, first we went to Neptune, but we found another blue planet and it rains diamonds, and we made diamond engagement rings and we're going to find boys to give them to us!" They clap their hands in sheer delight.
3). At lunch one of my students was eating dehydrated kale. After I inquired about it he informed me, "Yeah, and the enzymes aren't dead in it either!"
4). Boy: "Mrs. McKanna, A___ is bothering me. She's thinking out loud again." (Proceeds to demonstrate what it looks and sounds like to think out loud while working on a math problem. Just so you know it involves rolling your eyes in the back of your head and sticking your tongue out.)
Me: "Did you ask her if she could be a little quieter?"
Boy: "No."
Me: "Sometimes people don't know when they're doing something. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you asked her."
*Takes his seat. Little do I know how soon those words are going to be the death of me.
Girl (who was bothering boy): "Mrs. McKanna, am I hurting H___'s feelings?"
Me: "He was just having a hard time concentrating. Do you think you can try to keep your thoughts from being spoken while he's working?"
Girl: "Yes, ma'am."
*Takes her seat. 30 seconds go by and A____ comes up to my desk...again.
Girl: "Mrs. McKanna, H_____ is making faces at me now."
*This is when I realize I just need to talk to the both of them together.
Me: "H____, are you making faces?"
Boy: "Sometimes people don't know when they're doing something."
How dare he use my words against me! What followed was a teachable moment after he admitted he did, in fact, know full well what he was doing.
2). Two excitable blonde haired darlings ran up to me during play time asking if I knew what planet we were all on. (Obviously they were still fascinated with the way cool science lesson we just had earlier.) "Last time I checked we were on Earth." "No we're not! A___ and I just discovered a new planet! Well, first we went to Neptune, but we found another blue planet and it rains diamonds, and we made diamond engagement rings and we're going to find boys to give them to us!" They clap their hands in sheer delight.
3). At lunch one of my students was eating dehydrated kale. After I inquired about it he informed me, "Yeah, and the enzymes aren't dead in it either!"
4). Boy: "Mrs. McKanna, A___ is bothering me. She's thinking out loud again." (Proceeds to demonstrate what it looks and sounds like to think out loud while working on a math problem. Just so you know it involves rolling your eyes in the back of your head and sticking your tongue out.)
Me: "Did you ask her if she could be a little quieter?"
Boy: "No."
Me: "Sometimes people don't know when they're doing something. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you asked her."
*Takes his seat. Little do I know how soon those words are going to be the death of me.
Girl (who was bothering boy): "Mrs. McKanna, am I hurting H___'s feelings?"
Me: "He was just having a hard time concentrating. Do you think you can try to keep your thoughts from being spoken while he's working?"
Girl: "Yes, ma'am."
*Takes her seat. 30 seconds go by and A____ comes up to my desk...again.
Girl: "Mrs. McKanna, H_____ is making faces at me now."
*This is when I realize I just need to talk to the both of them together.
Me: "H____, are you making faces?"
Boy: "Sometimes people don't know when they're doing something."
How dare he use my words against me! What followed was a teachable moment after he admitted he did, in fact, know full well what he was doing.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I looked out my frosted window one wintry morning
And went outside to see several silvery threaded snowflakes
Graced in satin slippers fall noiselessly
On a heart blacker than soot.
It’s proclaimed scarlet sins can be scoured whiter
Than the purest snow
Than the brightest wool.
“Whosoever will may come.”
So I snapped a self-portrait, crimson and all
And held it up to the sky.
I COME.
And went outside to see several silvery threaded snowflakes
Graced in satin slippers fall noiselessly
On a heart blacker than soot.
It’s proclaimed scarlet sins can be scoured whiter
Than the purest snow
Than the brightest wool.
“Whosoever will may come.”
So I snapped a self-portrait, crimson and all
And held it up to the sky.
I COME.
"His Heart Safely Trusts Her..."
"The heart of her husband safely trusts in her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life" (Proverbs 31:11-12).
No other verse pierces my heart more to convict me when I’ve hurt my husband. Recently, I’ve been doing a “30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge.” Being the newly married, naïve wife that I admit that I am with so very much to learn in the ways of being a godly woman my first thoughts were, “Great! As my husband’s helper this will be something practical for me to do to help my husband…help my husband improve, that is.” Not a chance. What I didn’t realize was how much God would use this challenge to refine my own selfish heart.
Let me give you a few scenarios where I confess I failed miserably as a wife. As much as I want to forget how I acted, I’m convinced the Lord brings them to mind when my flesh wants to rebel so I remember how ugly sin looks on us. Or, to put it in the way my husband lovingly confronts me, “It’s not attractive, sweetheart.” It seems like I am daily being changed by my husband's love and forgiveness. When I said "I Do" to this man, I never knew how much the Lord would use both him and our marriage to make me more like Christ.
Scenario #1: We had just moved into our apartment – our first home together! The dead bolt was not working properly so Nate tried to fix it. We were going out that night for dinner, and I was getting hungry. In fact, I was being dramatic and complained of starving because he was taking so long fixing the lock. One thing led to another, and I ended up eating without him, pouting in the bedroom, feeling so misunderstood.
What I should have done? I should have affirmed my husband to let him know that I believed he could fix the dead bolt and that I appreciated him taking care of the house. He would be the first one to admit that he is not a handyman, but as his wife I should have praised his efforts and willingness rather than flippantly tossing them aside. Nate later confessed to me that I hurt him. It was his first “guy project” he could try to fix in our first home together, and I did nothing but bring discouragement. “The heart of her husband safely trusts in her.” I’m afraid my husband’s heart was not able to trust in his new wife for support and encouragement at that moment. And if I can’t give my husband my confidence in the little things such as fixing a broken lock, he won’t feel affirmed in the big things when even more is at stake.
Lesson Learned: A wife must be her husband’s biggest cheerleader – even in the little things.
Scenario #2: This is even more humbling for me to admit, but it was such a crucial moment for me as a wife. Being from the backwoods, I was not adjusting well to driving in the city and I had gone the wrong way on too many one-way streets. Nate planned for us to go out driving to help me get my bearings. Yadda yadda yadda, I misunderstood his directions, I was stressed out, we were both tense, and Nate was concerned for our safety because of my driving. I pulled the car over and got out of the driver’s seat. Very calmly my husband asked me to get back in the car. I shut the door and told him “No.” He asked again and I told him “No” again. Recognizing my pride and that no one but God could deal with me, Nate silently switched seats and drove us home. “The heart of her husband safely trusts in her.” I know my husband’s heart did not trust me to know that he had only my good in mind. I made him feel threatened. After confessing to God and to Nate, I did not want to sin against my husband in this way again.
Sometimes I feel like having a husband makes my flesh rebel more than ever before. It makes me wonder if I was ever in true submission to Christ with the way I act and how foreign of a concept submission seems to me...even to so loving a husband as Nate.
Lesson Learned: A wife must LEARN to submit to her husband “as unto the Lord.” Remembering it is “as unto the Lord” helps you respond in obedience even when you feel like your husband is making insensitive demands. If your husband is in the wrong, it is not your job to defy him. In fact I’m convinced that your submission shows him his sin more readily than your stubbornness would.
Scenario #3: Nate had to work late so I wanted to surprise him with Chick-Fil-A when he came home. Every night when he comes home from work or class Nate knocks on the sliding glass door and taps on the window, and I know it’s him. I ran to the door to greet him – eager to have him close his eyes so I could walk him into the kitchen for his surprise and he would pick me up with a big hug, the birds outside our window would chirp, everything would go into slow motion, a sunbeam would shine down on us and…it didn’t go according to plan. On his way home Nate had picked up the mail where we received an unexpected bill from my doctor’s office. He was concerned and wondered if I knew anything about it all while I was trying to close his eyes so he wouldn’t see what was in the kitchen. My excitement was gone and once he got into the kitchen he couldn’t have felt worse. I was back on the couch reading feeling hurt, and Nate walks out the door. Before I try to figure out what he’s doing, I hear a knock on the sliding glass door and a tap on the window…
I had a choice: let my husband stand out there and know I am still hurt or open the door in forgiveness and enjoy what we have left of the evening. “The heart of her husband safely trusts in her.” A husband’s heart should trust that his wife keeps no record of wrong and that her love is not rude or resentful…
I open the door and we start the night over again…
A wife is used in her husband’s life to be an influence – not a controlling power – for great expeditions with a great man of faith. Words and actions either inspire courage or make a husband passive. I’ve asked myself recently, “Do I make it easy for my husband to fulfill his God-given role as the spiritual leader? Here’s one for ya – sure it’s super easy to submit when your husband says, “I feel the Lord’s leading to seminary. Pack up your things, honey, we’re moving to Dallas!” But how about in the little things like when he’s trying to find a parking space and I question “Why didn’t you park over there?” That intimidating “why?” question does not nurture his strength and leadership. Or if he helps clean the kitchen and he doesn’t necessarily do it the way you would, I shouldn’t offer my advice and make him feel like his way isn’t good enough. If he doesn’t feel like you trust him to find a simple parking spot or to mop the floor, what would make him feel confidence in your love and support for life’s more crucial decisions? We all want our man to lead us, then why do we keep usurping his God-given role?
I am still a newbie at wifehood, but by God’s grace I am wanting to purposefully build a foundation that leaves my husband feeling encouraged, unconditionally trusted, adored, respected, and courageous enough to lead.
No other verse pierces my heart more to convict me when I’ve hurt my husband. Recently, I’ve been doing a “30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge.” Being the newly married, naïve wife that I admit that I am with so very much to learn in the ways of being a godly woman my first thoughts were, “Great! As my husband’s helper this will be something practical for me to do to help my husband…help my husband improve, that is.” Not a chance. What I didn’t realize was how much God would use this challenge to refine my own selfish heart.
Let me give you a few scenarios where I confess I failed miserably as a wife. As much as I want to forget how I acted, I’m convinced the Lord brings them to mind when my flesh wants to rebel so I remember how ugly sin looks on us. Or, to put it in the way my husband lovingly confronts me, “It’s not attractive, sweetheart.” It seems like I am daily being changed by my husband's love and forgiveness. When I said "I Do" to this man, I never knew how much the Lord would use both him and our marriage to make me more like Christ.
Scenario #1: We had just moved into our apartment – our first home together! The dead bolt was not working properly so Nate tried to fix it. We were going out that night for dinner, and I was getting hungry. In fact, I was being dramatic and complained of starving because he was taking so long fixing the lock. One thing led to another, and I ended up eating without him, pouting in the bedroom, feeling so misunderstood.
What I should have done? I should have affirmed my husband to let him know that I believed he could fix the dead bolt and that I appreciated him taking care of the house. He would be the first one to admit that he is not a handyman, but as his wife I should have praised his efforts and willingness rather than flippantly tossing them aside. Nate later confessed to me that I hurt him. It was his first “guy project” he could try to fix in our first home together, and I did nothing but bring discouragement. “The heart of her husband safely trusts in her.” I’m afraid my husband’s heart was not able to trust in his new wife for support and encouragement at that moment. And if I can’t give my husband my confidence in the little things such as fixing a broken lock, he won’t feel affirmed in the big things when even more is at stake.
Lesson Learned: A wife must be her husband’s biggest cheerleader – even in the little things.
Scenario #2: This is even more humbling for me to admit, but it was such a crucial moment for me as a wife. Being from the backwoods, I was not adjusting well to driving in the city and I had gone the wrong way on too many one-way streets. Nate planned for us to go out driving to help me get my bearings. Yadda yadda yadda, I misunderstood his directions, I was stressed out, we were both tense, and Nate was concerned for our safety because of my driving. I pulled the car over and got out of the driver’s seat. Very calmly my husband asked me to get back in the car. I shut the door and told him “No.” He asked again and I told him “No” again. Recognizing my pride and that no one but God could deal with me, Nate silently switched seats and drove us home. “The heart of her husband safely trusts in her.” I know my husband’s heart did not trust me to know that he had only my good in mind. I made him feel threatened. After confessing to God and to Nate, I did not want to sin against my husband in this way again.
Sometimes I feel like having a husband makes my flesh rebel more than ever before. It makes me wonder if I was ever in true submission to Christ with the way I act and how foreign of a concept submission seems to me...even to so loving a husband as Nate.
Lesson Learned: A wife must LEARN to submit to her husband “as unto the Lord.” Remembering it is “as unto the Lord” helps you respond in obedience even when you feel like your husband is making insensitive demands. If your husband is in the wrong, it is not your job to defy him. In fact I’m convinced that your submission shows him his sin more readily than your stubbornness would.
Scenario #3: Nate had to work late so I wanted to surprise him with Chick-Fil-A when he came home. Every night when he comes home from work or class Nate knocks on the sliding glass door and taps on the window, and I know it’s him. I ran to the door to greet him – eager to have him close his eyes so I could walk him into the kitchen for his surprise and he would pick me up with a big hug, the birds outside our window would chirp, everything would go into slow motion, a sunbeam would shine down on us and…it didn’t go according to plan. On his way home Nate had picked up the mail where we received an unexpected bill from my doctor’s office. He was concerned and wondered if I knew anything about it all while I was trying to close his eyes so he wouldn’t see what was in the kitchen. My excitement was gone and once he got into the kitchen he couldn’t have felt worse. I was back on the couch reading feeling hurt, and Nate walks out the door. Before I try to figure out what he’s doing, I hear a knock on the sliding glass door and a tap on the window…
I had a choice: let my husband stand out there and know I am still hurt or open the door in forgiveness and enjoy what we have left of the evening. “The heart of her husband safely trusts in her.” A husband’s heart should trust that his wife keeps no record of wrong and that her love is not rude or resentful…
I open the door and we start the night over again…
A wife is used in her husband’s life to be an influence – not a controlling power – for great expeditions with a great man of faith. Words and actions either inspire courage or make a husband passive. I’ve asked myself recently, “Do I make it easy for my husband to fulfill his God-given role as the spiritual leader? Here’s one for ya – sure it’s super easy to submit when your husband says, “I feel the Lord’s leading to seminary. Pack up your things, honey, we’re moving to Dallas!” But how about in the little things like when he’s trying to find a parking space and I question “Why didn’t you park over there?” That intimidating “why?” question does not nurture his strength and leadership. Or if he helps clean the kitchen and he doesn’t necessarily do it the way you would, I shouldn’t offer my advice and make him feel like his way isn’t good enough. If he doesn’t feel like you trust him to find a simple parking spot or to mop the floor, what would make him feel confidence in your love and support for life’s more crucial decisions? We all want our man to lead us, then why do we keep usurping his God-given role?
I am still a newbie at wifehood, but by God’s grace I am wanting to purposefully build a foundation that leaves my husband feeling encouraged, unconditionally trusted, adored, respected, and courageous enough to lead.
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